Pg 1-
1st Column
There is no more Antarctica as there are no more oceans on Terra. May I suggest "Far underneath the bedrock of Holy Terra's southern pole exists..."
As well a citadel can't be underground. May I suggest "fortress" or "bastion".
May I suggest "The most shadowy and mysterious of the Imperium's organizations, it..." -Imperium instead of Emperor.
Under "Ordos Majoris" first sentence is a run on sentence.
Should be "Though its beginnings are shrouded in mystery dating back to the Horus Heresy, it is believed that the Inquisition coalesced into the beginnings of its curent form by the beginning of M32, some 800 years after the Heresy. The fledgling organization drew upon several well established Imperial institutions to form its essential components and apparatus, including the League of Blackships, the Officio Assassinorum and the "Witch Hunters" of the Sisters of Silence, all of which were active before the Heresy began.
10th line between the words "it" and "existed" add the word "has"
Between Orks and Dark Eldar, change "or" to "and"
2nd Column
Under Ordo Hereticus
"their focus is on mankind itself, FACING OFF against the witch, the heretic and the mutant, and they are pitiless (or remorseless) TOWARDS those who fail the Emperor"
"As part of this mandate, it is to this Ordo falls THE responsibility for..."
3rd column
"Far more are found unfit for whatever reason" change to "for these sacred duties". Works better IMO.
PAGE 2
1st column
When you begin talking about Vandires brides of the emperor, it should be a new paragraph.
End the Ordo Hereticus fluff with "would become the Ordo Hereticus' Chamber Militant"
Under ORDO XENOS
3rd line, put a comma after crusade.
starting 7th line from the bottom in the 1st column still "where its mandate continued to be the investigation and study of alien races AND to eliminate any alien threat ..."
2nd Column-
2nd paragraph, 6th line
"The Deathwatch are squads" should be "The Deathwatch are a chapter"
3rd to last line of Ordo Xenos, change term of service to Vigil (technical term for time in the deathwatch).
Under Ordo Mallues, 2nd/3rd line change "it traces" to "the Ordo Malleus traces"
3rd Page
1st Column, 3rd line: Change Master of the Inquition to Inquisitor Lord Terran (his Official Title)
last line before the picture of the grey knight, fotresses should not be capitalized.
2nd column
6th line of the main paragraph, change the word legions to chapters. As well, I would start the sentence "Chapter number 666, their founding is..."
Aegis Helm and Nemesis Force Halberd should be capitalized probably. As well, Halberd should be changed to weapon, since not all GK use halberds exclusively now. Current existing fluff suggests they are individually matched up with certain weapons that best suit them.
I don't know if they are the only chapter entirely made up of psykers. Exorcists might be, but not sure.
3rd Column
There is an empty line before THE ORDOS MINORIS- just a blank no text line.
4th line- remove the words Space Marines. 5th line, change the word one to "an Inquisitor"
3rd line from the end of the paragraph, should be "drawing Chaos Daemons" not Chaos demons.
4th page
5th Page
At the end of the description I would say "Renowned Ordo Malleus Inquisitor Lord Torquemada Coteaz". His name aslo has a typo as it is. There is no r. Coteaz, not Corteaz.
Special rules- Why are they Notes- Should they be Special Rules? if not, Notes should be bold.
Prow Torpedoes: Strength should be capitalized. M should be capitalized in Space Marine Crusade Fleet.
Dorsal Lances: Strength and Range should be capitalized.
page 6
second line, change the word very to extremely.
change the end of the first paragraph to "with only one purpose behind their design: planetary assault."
The font for famous ships is different than everywhere else. Looks doubled first of all, and the ship name should be in itallics.
Why are the BBs special rules in italics when no one elses were? Why are they notes instead of special rules?
page 7
1st column, 7th line between the words ship and from there should be a comma.
2nd column, after talking about mind wipe, I would say Grey Knight Justicars and Brother Captains are given a key word which will kill all the crew members etc. etc.
3rd column- Fortress Monastery should either be capitalized or everywhere else should be lower case. I also thing Fortress-monastery is suppossed to be hyphenated.
Notes should be Special Rules.
Replace Launch Bays missing strength for torpedoes and firepower for bombardment cannons
page 8
1st Column
under Capital Ships
Should be Any Imperial, Adeptus Mechanicus or Space Marine fleet may...
Inquistorial Cruiser- thoughout the rest of the document, you had the C in cruiser lower case. Should it be uppercase every where else?
2nd column, last line, serves should just be serve.
3rd Column, reserves and allies- It talks about RT vessels, but I thought only Ordo Hereticus could take RT vesselts in their fleets (according to the Ordo rules).
